♥♥♥♥! I Just Blew This Guys Head Off On Accident!
♥♥♥♥! I just blew this guys head off on accident!
No no no no! Don't ever admit guilt! You moron! That's what's going to get you put into prison. First rule of the S.W.A.T. team is that any casualties that are "looked down upon" should always be blamed on other dead people immediately. Did you bust into a room and fire a gun at a suspect, then in the heat of the moment, a civilian came tearing around the corner in order to put their hands up? And you on COMPLETE accident blasted them to kingdom come using this lovely Benelli m2 12 guage automatic shotgun? Well that's unfortunate, for the suspect! Now put one of your *reserve* firearms into the suspects head. Gun doesn't match up? No one will care! This is the police department baby!!!! Who's going to arrest us? The police?!
I'm not comfortable with blaming a death on someone that didn't do it
Look, someones got to take the heat for this murder here, and unless you feel like working for the next 20 years at a whopping 30 cents an hour on the side of the highway you better get real creative real quick! Lets look at some other options:
1. Don't use dumpsters. That's the first place they look for dead bodies after a huge shooting.
2. Try calling a friend and seeing if you can dump the body off in their car
3. Industrial barrels are nice, but only if you can get them closed again!
4. Are there any really big holes nearby? Like ones you can't see the bottom of? Try that?
These are all second choice options. Your best bet, is to place a *reserve* gun that your team bought with you INTO the hands of the dead suspect! PAY ATTENTION
Hang on what the ♥♥♥♥ is going on here man, this is all highly illegal!!!!!
Listen, you didn't train 8 hours a day for the last 12 years of your life inside your family's escape bunker in order to go to jail after your first incident. The police union can only do so much. Someones head is missing? Someone upstairs wants a little bit of effort in making it seem like it wasn't your fault. Get creative!
Alternatives To The "procedural Guidelines"
Damn I'm good!
Being a police officer means you get to buy basically any weaponry you should damn well feel like getting ahold of. When on the scene, if you kill someone with... say a m60, then you can KEEP that m60 and change your weapon out with it. Evidence - Schmevidence. No one cares, and the "look the other way" culture with the police has been evident for several decades now. Besides, who's going to say no to a guy with a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ m60!!!!!
I won't look the other way. There are standards here
Listen my man, you're starting to make Tackleberry extremely ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ nervous now keep ya yap shut and pay attention here, before you become a 'friendly fire' incident.
In the United States, qualified immunity is a legal principle that grants government officials performing discretionary (optional) functions immunity from civil suits unless the plaintiff shows that the official violated "clearly established statutory or constitutional rights of which a reasonable person would have known". It is a form of sovereign immunity less strict than absolute immunity that is intended to protect officials who "make reasonable but mistaken judgments about open legal questions", extending to "all [officials] but the plainly incompetent or those who knowingly violate the law". Qualified immunity applies only to government officials in civil litigation, and does not protect the government itself from suits arising from officials' actions.
What the ♥♥♥♥ man, how am I going to remember all of that ♥♥♥♥? I just want to kill people!
Listen, meet me in the locker room and I'll provide you a business card that I received from one of the 5 gun clubs I belong to. On it is a quote you say once you feel they might be "investigating you instead". Say that and only that. Then call the 1800 number on the back and report the incident to your local NRA chapter. And police union. Trust me! I've done this ♥♥♥♥ on accident before!
Possible Safety Rules For Your New Humongous Firearm
Honestly, the only thing that is a rule for me is that you're not shooting it yet! Go immediately to prison unless you've shot at least 5 things today with that bad boy! Get ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ psyched! GET ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PSYCHED BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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