Introduction - What On Earth Am I Talking About?
Hello, in this guide I will be going over which characters would, from an objective standpoint, make the best partners in terms of intimacy (you can tell I'm jumping around saying the actual phrase but you get where I'm coming from). So as not to be exclusive, I will be going over the objective best partners for hetero men, hetero women, gay and lesbian individuals, though I will happily go over more if requested. I don't wish to come off as perverse through this guide and I wish to make that much clear, I simply wish to discuss this topic like the civilised adults we are. Anywho, without further ado, let's begin.
Also if you read my previous guide haiiiiiii helloooooo :D
Section One - Hetero Men
Instant Eliminations
- Every single male sinner. My reasoning should be obvious.
Outis.
My controversial reasoning being that, as has been unanimously agreed upon by the community, she is past menopause, meaning that she is incompatible for those who wish to have children. While I understand there is medication for such an occasion, I am going under the impression that it does not exist in the Project Moon universe as is has not been mentioned. While I understand that this is likely a positive for some, I am simply going under the assumption that this relationship is solely based on eventual pregnancy. Also she deserves to be in a loving relationship with Ryoshu and I don't care what a soul says.
Ishmael.
My yet again controversial reasoning for this is that it is heavily implied through the final segments of Canto 5 that Ishmael is a lesbian. While I understand this is likely a controversial opinion for some, I simply feel as if the relationship she has with a certain other character is blindingly romantic, and to say otherwise is foolish. Thusly, I will exclude her from this segment.
Runner-Ups
Ryoshu
While certainly a valid partner, I feel as if there would be something of an emotional disconnect, given her outright hostile nature towards almost all people she has interacted with thus far. Furthermore, I feel as if the only thing that would occur in the way of aftercare is her putting a cigarette out on your back.
Don Quixote
While certainly entirely valid as a partner from every standpoint, I feel as if a potential gap in height and intelligence would make a relationship slightly awkward for some.
Faust
While certainly conventionally attractive by most means, I feel as if there would be something of a disconnect in a relationship due to an intelligence gap. Not only this, but she is shown as having a mild misunderstanding of certain human tasks and emotions, heightening such disconnect and potential afteracare. Realistically, this is the only thing keeping her from the highest spot.
Winner
Rodion
While I personally headcannon her as queer, I can certainly see her as the single most compatible partner for a hetero relationship from a male standpoint. Not only is she conventionally attractive from the viewpoint of most men, but she is one of the only female sinners outright confirmed to be hetero, with her very obviously making (albeit teasing) advances with Gregor. Furthermore, she possesses a level of both general and emotional intelligence, meaning there would be absolutely no divide in a relationship, as well as aftercare likely being nice.
Section Two - Hetero Women
Immediate Eliminations
- Every female sinner. My reasoning should be obvious.
Gregor
While he would undeniably be an absolutely phenomenal partner, given his down to Earth nature and conventionally attractive appearance, I simply assume that he is around the same age as Outis, and I won't discriminate in terms of fertility. Thus, I regrettably have to put him here. Also the whole uncontrollable bug arm thing, that kinda blows.
Hong Lu
While certainly a valid partner I mean... c'mon... he's a whole fruitfest. I can't realistically put him high due to... everything.
Sinclair
While this may be mildly controversial, I am simply following the same reasoning I used for Ishmael, that being he has a rather obvious gay subtext, with him clearly having some form of interest in Demian (bro literally locks eyes with him and blushes when they first meet). With that in mind, I cannot in good faith place him any higher.
Runners-Up
Yi Sang
While undeniably an emotionally inteligent man, Yi Sang isn't exactly the most conventionally attractive person to most. Furthermore, his undeniably high intelligence would likely lead to a level of disconnect, meaning I can't place him any higher unfortunately.
Heathcliff
While he would undeniably be an amazing partner, not only from a physical, mental and emotional standpoint, the end of canto 6 makes me exceptionally hesitant to say he would be willing to partner with anyone else.
Winner
Meursault
Frankly I cannot fathom a single negative thing about Meursault as a partner. Not only is he exceptionally attractive by all means, but he displays a high level of general and emotional intelligence. Furthermore, he is shown to blindly follow any orders to the best of his abilities, meaning he would likely be willing to do anything for a partner (mega freaky stuff). Not only this, but he is canonically a good chef and would absolutely prepare his partner a meal after showing affection.
Section Three - Gay
For this segment I will simply assume that all male sinners that are not stated to be otherwise are gay.
Immediate Eliminations
- All female sinners (duh).
Heathcliff
Canonically heterosexual as much as I wish otherwise .
Meursault
While this is undeniably a colossal disappointment, in his novel of origin he has a female partner, thus I have to assume the same about him here.
Runners-Up
Sinclair
While implied to be gay, that is frankly the exact reason I have to place him here, as he clearly is somewhat committed to Demian.
Yi Sang
Despite being exceedingly emotionally intelligent meaning aftercare would be phenomenal, his prodigy level intelligence would lead to a mild disconnect, meaning I simply have to place him here. However I will say this is the sole thing keeping him from the top tier.
Gregor
Frankly I don't know where to begin. Gregor would be an absolutely phenomenal partner, not only due to his generally attractive appearance, but his down to Earth nature and high emotional intelligence. The only thing keeping him from being the number one pick is, not only the uncontrollable bug arm, but the mere existence of the sinner I chose.
Winner
Hong Lu
This should be a surprise to absolutely nobody and if you assumed otherwise I don't know what to say. It's safe to say that Hong Lu's appearance, manner of speech, actions and general aesthetic have cemented him as a top tier borderline queer icon within the series. I feel as if his general lack of intelligence can be chalked up to his privileged upbringing and sheer curiosity and lack of understanding about the world outside of where he grew up.
Section Four - Lesbian
For this segment I will simply assume all female sinners are lesbians.
Instant Eliminations
- All male sinners (duh)
Ishmael
Despite being almost canonically queer, this is exactly the reason I put her here. She's committed to/not over a specific character from Canto 5.
Don Quixote
While undeniably a completely valid partner, I imagine the size and intelligence difference would likely cause a severe and awkward disconnect for some.
Runners-Up
Faust
While undeniably conventionally attractive, her high general intelligence and lower emotional intelligence would likely cause a severe disconnect.
Outis
While she would undeniably be a phenomenal partner, one of the sole things keeping her from the highest placement is her age, as I imagine it would likely make romantic interactions more lethargic and tiresome for her, ultimately hindering the experience for both parties.
Rodion
While undeniably conventionally attractive by most means, the sole thing keeping her from the top tier is her very mild motherly nature, which I can imagine some would find incredibly awkward.
Winner
Ryoshu
Despite the fact she is very openly hostile towards every person she has interacted with, Ryoshu exudes a certain gay energy, similar in nature to Hong Lu. And while aftercare would likely be incredibly poor, I feel as if she would slowly open up after numerous repeated romantic interractions.
Conclusion
Thanks for slogging through all that, I hope you enjoyed it! I just want to reinstate that this was done entirely in jest, don't take any of this completely seriously and do not go at my throat over what I have said. I simply did this for funsies and will happily add more if anyone requests it! Anywho, thanks again for reading, I hope you enjoyed!
Source: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3279024693
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