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We hate Elden Dung

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2022-08-08 09:01:21

SO THERE YOU ARE...

You boot up Elden Ring, watch the crypitic, unsatisfying intro about how you are tHE chOSen wuuUuunNnNn and must be come the...the ultimate thing, I guess (who knows).

Link "The Tarnished" emerges from the tomb into a breathtaking, beautiful world. The colors, the structures, all the corpses - and burnt buildings - tell wordless stories that strike to the core of your imagination. Then you take on the golden knight on his horse, and it happens...!!

YOU GOT HIT ONCE...

Before you know it, you've had your ass kicked about 50x, learning the hard way that parry mostly sucks, your 3 wolves start protesting because they're tired of being steamrolled while you back peddle going "oh sh- oh sh- oh sh- oh sh-", you keep going OOM by throwing your harmless, blue fidget spinners at things, and you still don't know what a guard counter is because the tutorials are as incompetent as the bitter orientation trainer that quietly tries to cope with the fact that he's a low key prisoner that can only look forward to coming home to a sexless marriage, taxes, bills, and kids that hate him. His last solace is getting sh*tface drunk, then hazing you with rhetorical questions and hearing himself preach about responsibility with a smug grin...because he can never leave.

Welcome to Elden Dung.

Under it all, however, you sense there is a game worth playing, and you're right! Like every other Soulsborne game, underneath a huge pile of complete f***ing bulls*** is one of the best games ever!

In this guide/rant/review (that will forever be a work in progress...hey, I gotta do something while I wait for coop queues), I'll try to save you from hating a great game.

SO MANY BUTTONS!!

Seriously, just get a wired USB console controller. The PC controls will have your fingers in pretzels and Elden Dung is hard enough to enjoy.

In the options menu, I set my camera speed to 7. You'll want it a bit fast.

I'm using a xbox360 controller because that's what was in my closet. If you hold Y, you'll get a menu that's bound to your directional pad (jesus the xbox d pad sucks). I set my lantern to UP, my Flask of Way to Freakin Long of a Title for a Personal Buff Potion to LEFT, my horse whistle to DOWN, and my ashes of PUSH THIS TO HAVE A VERY SLIM CHANCE OF BEATING ANYTHING to RIGHT.

Up and Down on the D pad cycle through your spells and items respectively. The thing you bind furthest to the left in the menus is "first". I like to set my heal spell in the far left spot and any fast spell I need urgently in the 2nd spot from the left, so if I hold UP on the D pad, it will auto-select the first option.

Do the same with your red health flasks so holding DOWN on the D pad will instantly select them, then push X for a speedy heal. You'll know you've done it right when the little box at the bottom left flashes red. You can then put your blue flasks in the second-from-left box, so if you hold DOWN, watch for the red flash, then tap DOWN again, push X, voila: instant mana potion.

Lastly there's rolling. I'm adding it because it's an oddity. While you can mash B/Circle rapidly for a quick escape, rolling's intended use is its "invulnerability frames." (iframes). The idea is to roll at the correct timing so you are hit in this brief moment of invulnerability. The timing is usually just before impact, so nothing unnatural, but it's good to know this detail.

"hahaha no you can't hit me with a lightening bolt! im rolling!!!"

BUT BUT YORDLE! NO VIDEOS? SAD MEGAMIND!!

Before I link this, let me be clear: these videos are not mine. I may upload my screencaps, but I'm linking other players' videos or memes for easy access. They explain it better than I do. Shoutouts!

One of my bigger gripes with the Soulsborne games is this: IF YOU DON'T HAVE A WALKTHROUGH VIDEO AND FEXTRA LIFE[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] CODDLING YOUR EVERY FRACKIN STEP, YOU AREN'T DOIN SHEEEEEEET.

I'm not kidding. If you see ANYTHING in this game: open up your browser, and type "elden ring (item/spell/person/whatever) and go to fextralife's link. Elden Dung is more of a google simulator.

First of all, the hero we don't deserve: FightingCowboy. He's a Soulsborne enthusiast and his Elden Dung walkthrough isn't just one of the most effective, but also one of the most enjoyable. His voice isn't annoying, he doesn't pummel you with bad sex jokes, he's well spoken, and gives great tips............

But every time he

summons those skeletons,

doesn't use a shortbow,

doesn't farm every eagle for feathers, (firing arrows from shortbow recommended)

doesn't rush for Bone Peddler's Bell Bearing[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] for farmless arrows,

doesn't kill the giant dragon in Caelid to rush Rotten Breath[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com]

doesn't dig into the crafting system, especially cracked pots and perfumes

doesn't stock up on Crystal Darts to counter the imps[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com]

and doesn't rush his Mind stat to get 100fp and abuse Banished Knight Engvall (Spirit Ashes)[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] , I die a little on the inside.

One more thing of note is he published this series very shortly after release. A lot of patches have happened since then, mostly buffing spells. The most important change was the Hoarfrost Stomp that he relies on has been SEVERELY nerfed.

"What is happenin', ya'll."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN7YFKHOR9Y&list=PL7RtZMiaOk8gdRf130w4gFYyhstL-5VRh

This next video comes from RageGamingVideos. His stuff is extremely informative, very fast paced, and silly. It's so great in fact, that it's worth half skipping the CRINGE BOMB that is the hip-hop outro. For god sake internet: stop adding an AA/BB rhyme scheme to a drum beat and calling it "musical talent". Stop that sh**. Stop it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFsM-g4xMGw

After you reach the Palace Approach Ledge-Road Site of Grace in the video above, take the time to track down the Swarm of Flies spell[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] nearby. It's an ultra-powerful-game-changing incantation. Live it, learn it, love it.

Next up is another powerful tool to break the game: Fextra Life's Elden Ring INTERACTIVE MAP[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] . You'll need to enable scripts in your browser to use it. Be as creative as you can with this map. You can use it to skip around in the game to get spells, techniques, sites of grace, crafting items, weapons; whatever you can think of. Just don't beat any story bosses or kill any NPC's. That's usually what locks you out of content permanently. Roaming bosses like dragons, night riders, bell bearers, and death birds are still fair game.

Class, Stats, Farming

CLASS

Samurai is a good choice because your first major goal - as pointed out by our hero, FightingCowboy - is to get that Bloodhound's Fang[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] up and running ASAP....you could also take Wretch and strut your 2B thong.

2B rockin' the white thong and lookin' lovely~[images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com] Nice work from VonsVaigen at deviantart.com

Don't let the Wretch's white thong fool you: it's a very powerful class to start with because it's such a blank slate, and evenly distributed stats. I always start with Wretch.

Speaking of sexiness, you furries will be thrilled to know: you get this weapon as you meet Blaidd[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] (Pronounced Blythe). He's a tall, badass, best-boy half wolf with a sexy accent.

White thongs and furry bros. So much UwU. No you can't romance him.

When you help him with his quest, you'll kill a Bloodhound prisoner in a gaol (took me 200hrs to learn its pronounced "Jail"). The reward is this game-breaking Dex sword.

STATS

i forget the Str requirement. 2 hand the Fang and trickle one point into Str until you can 2 hand it "effectively"

17 Dex to wield the Bloodhound Fang

raise Mind until you get 100fp to summon Engvall

and 15 Faith and 12 Arc to use Rotten Breath and Dragonice

With Engvall, the dragon spells, and the fang, you are going to DESTROY EVERYTHING IN YOUR PATH....almost.

FARMING 1: GREYOLL

There's also a giant dragon in Caelid named Elder Dragon Greyoll[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] . It has a massive health pool, and its surrounded by lesser dragons, but with good positioning and the Morning Star mace[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] (be patient. Cowboy will get it for you), you can pound away at her tail/foot to eeeeventually bring her down. Before you take her on, bind a Gold-Pickled Fowl Foot[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] to your items bar. When she dies, the other dragons die simultaneously, so as soon as you hear that kill confirm SHING!! and she's fading into mist, CHOMP THAT FOOT!!! This will result in a massive amount of runes and Dragon Hearts[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] , which you can spend at Cathedral of Dragon Communion[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] to get Rotten Breath and Dragonice; 2 spells which will carry you for the entire game.

FARMING 2: THE CANNON BALL

Later, Fightingcowboy will show you a spot to farm runes by juking a giant cannonball. Abuse this farm spot to rush up your stats to the above goals.

You ride down from the tower until you see a bright white puff of smoke behind you. Just do a sharp U turn and you'll avoid it. It'll take a couple tries, but you'll get it easily.

After you reach the lake from beating the first shard-bearer boss, you can follow the youtube video to take you to the Mogh palace. Farm cannon ball now, farm giant ravens later.

Shpearsh: Underrated Hide And Pokey Or Of Spears, Dogs, And Imps

THE DOGS

Those damn dogs. You wind up your Fang, but it bites you to interrupt your attack. So you wind up again, and it bites you again. You wind up again, and bites you again. You then roll away cussing at it. Surely, there's a more effective tactic.

Near the beginning, you'll soon run into a merchant. Buy a spear from him. Next get your hands on a shield that blocks "100 physical". This means you will fully negate any physical damage while blocking. Just don't eat a spell or run out of stamina doing it...

What makes le shpear so fantastic is its fast, does decent damage, and you can hide behind your shield at the same time. You hold L1 (LB), then tap R1 (RB) to poke. Your stamina regens very slowly while holding up the shield, though. You'll need to depress the button for a brief moment to maintain your stance. If your stance breaks....

YOU GOT HIT ONCE

Still, for faster pokey enemies like dogs, you can use this to bounce their bite off the shield, and "trade" the hit with them favorably.

The other a***oles to be aware of is these Fanged Imps[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] . Everyone hates these little bastards. Here's a shocking image of the creator of the little pricks.

RISITAS CREATED THE IMPS![i.imgflip.com]

Ok, ok but real talk. Like really real. Like "are you fo rill" real talk. We know why these punks exist: to stop you from speed running dungeons. If you hit one with 2 consecutive cyrstal darts, it will enrage them and "theoretically" make them attack anything nearby, prioritizing each other. Another tactic is to fight them 1v1, and guard counter the last hit of their combo, which will often stun them instantly. If your next crit doesn't one shot them, shield up and poke em a few times. They are deliberately designed to slow you down and hold your attention. Stay calm, don't try to sprint by, and deal with them.

I guess this is a good spot to place it. Guard counters are when you hold your shield up, a physical attack strikes you, and you push R2 (RT), make a SHING sound, and do a different-than-normal attack. This special attack does high poise damage, making it more likely you will break their stance. Problem is: most of the time you try to use it, the enemy will just hit you again mid-swing, like the dog biting. It's very, very niche, like parrying. Great for imps, but I haven't found any other use of it.

My absolute favorite spear in all of Elden Dung is Vyke's War Spear[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] . It hits hard, it levels quickly with Somber Smithing stones, and has a unique "madness" status effect. It's one of those gimmick effects that is usable on 2% of the enemies you face; a FromSoftware classic.

But if you go arcane, you can build Mohgwyn's Sacred Spear[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] which is debatebly the best weapon in the entire game. It's innate ash-of-war its absurdly powerful, not only 3 huge combo pulses of damage, but causing rapid bleed buildup.

Co-op Tip 1: Skip The Damn Cut-scene

Skip the damn cut-scene.

SKIP.

THE DAMN.

CUT-SCENE.

There are many reasons why.

Reason one: They're all the same.

Someone in a European accent mumbles veeerrrryyyy slooooowwlllyyyy about defeating you, while slooooooowly reaching for their weapon. "Ffffffooooulllllllll tarrrrrrniiiisshhhhheeeedd.......IIIIIIi'mmmm gonna kick youuuur buuuuttttttttt...."

At phase 2, they "shed" somehow, revealing a more powerful form/weapon, saying "ok...now..I'mmm....REEEEEEEAALLY gonna kickkkkkk youuurr butttttttttttt!"

The story is cryptic, pedestrian, and non-engaging, anyway.

Reason two: poor net code

Due to some horrendous net code (and DRM), most players that join you for coop have about 2 min to beat the boss, then their connection drops. By the time the boss is done slowly mumbling his generic speech about "inevitable defeat/darkness/death", your teammate is halfway out. Skip the cut-scene and you MIGHT keep them. If not, now the boss is stronger from assuming there's 2 players. Derp.

Reason three: its just common freakin' courtesy

The teammate joining you could be farming that boss, and has likely seen the boring cut-scene about 50x. Give the guy a break and start the fight, already.

COOP Tip 2: Kill Boss ASAP

Since game devs STILL think DRM is a good idea (after 20 years of laughable failure), you have about 2 to 5 min to down the boss before you lose connection (which again, the modders have fully patched in a matter of days).

The strategy you MUST use is the cheapest sh** in your arsenal: ROT. FROST. RUN. The only exception being if the boss is vunerable to bleeds, then you spam bloodflies. Do the most unfair, overwhelming, and overpowering thing you have to down the boss ASAP.

What else sucks about this is it forces you to play extremely reckless as you race to kill it. What happens when you play reckless?

YOU GOT HIT ONCE

...and all because of DRM, which has backfired in every single way possible for 2 decades. It's supposed to protect the devs product from illegal copies by detecting legit copies, to weed out cheaters/hackers, all while leaving the legit customers alone. However, it has harmed legit users by locking them out of the game they purchased or screwing up the net code (as CAPCOM admitted during the SF4 expansions), then the hackers/p-rates have the game cheated, hacked, cracked, and up for download within hours of EVERY GAME'S release for YEARS! Worse yet, when legit players try out the cracked version, the game runs 100% better, so what was the point???

The only excuse requires a tinfoil hat. DRM must be data mining the users. Big tech makes mega moolah by selling all that juicy data for huge wads of cash. Best of all, circumventing DRM is punishable by law. What's that? You want your private property to work, and work correctly? That's against the law, comrade. Besides, Tencent is hungry, and your data looks very tasty...

Sooo What Do We Hate: The Lethality And Wacky PVE Balancing

WHAT THE F** IS IT WITH BEING ONE SHOT IN THIS GAME???

Are you on your 10th attempt at beating an anti-caster boss...as a caster? Did you beat some boss down to 5% hp? Did you start casting your finishing spell, watch the boss wind up a jumping attack on you, and you think to yourself "ok. he has ONE more HP left. Surely I can take ONE hit...." aaand BAM. Your jaw drops as your 50 vigor, heavy armor, magic armor jerky, and crab leg armor did f** all to stop it.

Your eyes peel wide open and all of your neighbors/roommates hear you FUS RO DAH your monitor into outer space Gmod style as you watch your HP bar - that reaches over half the screen - go AAAALLLLLLL the way down to 0. What happened?

YOU GOT HIT ONCE

Does it REALLY have to be ONE. FREAKIN. HIT??? Might as well not have a HP bar! It should just be 3 little hearts like back in the NES days! In fact you die SO QUICKLY that TANK BUILDS ARE COMPLETELY UNVIABLE.

I can forgive someone like Melania being crazy op. She's a post-game super boss, but does every boss in this game need to

1) Be a giant, who's only hit box is their feet, which rise out of range to stomp you TO HIT YOU ONCE

2) Be a dragon, that has the feet hitbox thing, but can also fly a mile into the air, and use ONE SHOT BREATH

3) Have ONE SHOT BREATH, AND DUAL WIELDING, ZIPPING ACROSS MAP WITH 15 HIT LARIAT

4) CONSTANTLY be exploding

THIS IS WHY summoning Engvall/Mimic Tear/Tiche (Tishee) and casting Frost/Rot dragon breath (and maybe spamming blood flies) is your only friggin hope. Having your summon tank aggro, placing a heavy DoT on the boss, and running for your life is the only true, viable strategy BECAUSE YOU CAN'T. GET. HIT. ONCE.

You COULD join the "git gud" crowd...if you really want to trial-and-error a boss thousands of times to learn how to dodge every one of their attacks and limit yourself to R1 and Circle. Even then, you got killed by his 4 hit combo. You know its 4 hits, now BUT OMGWTFBBQ ITS A 5 HIT ATTACK THIS TIME!!

YOU GOT HIT ONCE

With all the spells, buffs, debuffs, armor, summons and so on, this game should have been the next Metal Gear V; and endless, open sandbox where you have 1,000's of toys and gimmicks to just have fun with. Elden Dung misses this opportunity terribly. Sleep and Madness are 2 new status...that every boss is 100% immune to. In fact, these 2 abilities might help with....2% of the entire enemy bestiary.

They've done a some-what commendable job patching a lot of these, but some of it was clearly not tested.

We Hate: Being Ignored About The Older Title Servers

I don't know much about this, but there's been an outcry from the fanbase for 3 months now. Word on the street is: there was some "bug" in the online service, so FromSoftware took down the online servers to their previous titles; promising a patch and reopening. We've had radio silence ever since. Worst yet, as usual, and predictably, the modding community had a fix in a few days, to which our Japanese friends stuck their fingers in their ears and shouted "SORRY I NO ENGLISH BUY ELDEN DUNG".

We Hate: The Connection Errors

This is the one that hits me right in the feels, because online coop is unquestionably my favorite way to play video games.

There's a common connection bug in coop. When I join someone, we have about 3-5 min to kill the boss. If we don't, I disconnect, you get nothing, you lose, good day, sir.

If you hit most bosses hard enough, this is doable, but on bosses like Astel - where he spends 80% of the fight a 30 second sprint away from you - it makes it unplayble.

The weirdest part is if I summon someone to coop into MY world, I NEVER LOSE THEM. Whhhuuuuuuu????

I've heard suggestions like forwarding ports. You have GOT to be f**ing kidding me. What is this, the 1990's?? When we had to practically connect computers with hammers, nails, and hamster wheels?? It's 2022 for f** sake!!

Side note: when I'm waiting for coop, why am I imprisoned to a veeeerry tiny room ON THE WHOLE G**D**** PLANET??? Why can't I leave the sign there, and at least go to the Round Table Hold to sort inventory, or GOD FORBID, PLAY THE GAME WHILE I WAIT???? OR AT LEAST GIVE ME A F**ING SOUND EFFECT TO TELL ME WHEN I'M GETTING SUMMONED INSTEAD OF NOT MOVING AN INCH FROM MY PC OR EVEN TABBING OUT! BECAUSE I HAVE TO WATCH FOR A SLIENT LITTLE BLIP!! WTFFFFFFFFFF?!?!?!? This is....what the 7th or 8th game in the Soulsborne series??? Surely, SURELY someone thought they could do better....?

There's also a mod that brings a lot of this into question called Nexus Mod: Seemless Coop[www.nexusmods.com] . Not only does it have shockingly good reviews, but it fixes all the problems with online play. Why can I only be summoned in very specific places, and then sent away after the boss dies? That sucks! I want to stay connected with friends!....if I had any that played Elden Dung.

What chips my ass the hardest about this? They fix all of the problems BY REMOVING EAC'S DRM. (That's Easy Anti-Cheat's Digital Rights Management). JESUS. F***ING. CHRIST. ALMIGHTY. WHAT. IN THE NAME. OF GOD'S MISERABLE GREEN EARTH. ARE WE STILL DOING WITH DRM????? DRM was a s** show for decades being debunked, humiliated, and exposed as the facist, POS that it really is.

We've heard this story time and time and time again for decades. Devs put DRM in their game, DRM causes hangups, d/c's, glitches, and renders the legal consumer unable to use their product. Then some hackers patch it out, pi....eh...make the DRM "walk the plank" *wink wink*, and its a miracle! THE GAME WORKS PERFECTLY! There's no excuse or other explanation at this point: no matter how badly DRM fails or pisses off legit customers, it's not going anywhere, because the devs are getting paid to spy on you. Period....or they're Nintendo, and don't know how to internet.

PVP is also a mess because of all the jittering, laggy hit boxes, and delayed hits. PVP is bad enough as is, but I'll get to that in a minute whooohohooo....

We Hate: The PVP

Soulsborne's PVP has always been a disaster. I have hated it's PVP since DS1.

What's wrong with it? Everything. It's atrociously balanced, easily hackable, exploitable, laggy, buggy, and knowledgeable players can abuse some mechanics (ie in Elden Dung, there's a certain bridge where players are totally safe, and invading players have no choice but to quit, which handsomely rewards the exploiter).

The balancing mostly suffers Elden Dung's

YOU GOT HIT ONCE

issue. Players will power-stance (...is that how you say 'dual weild' in Japanese or something..?) bleed weapons and put frost effects on them, which causes massive attack damage, and procs debuffs that take % chunks out of the victim's health, simply put; resulting in

YOU GOT HIT ONCE

Or how shields and tank builds are - again - unviable. With the possible exception of some greatshields, if you try to block, the attacker will chew through your stance in milliseconds, which opens you to a critical attack. What is a critical attack?

YOU GOT HIT ONCE

...so pulling out a shield and blocking makes me die....faster?

Casters also mostly suck. There are maybe 3 or 4 spells that are any good in PvP, the rest, the player just times their roll. 4 rolls later, they're in melee range, and you don't have the space to cast anything, so have fun with Rivers of Blood vs Rivers of Blood, dashing around with Bloodhound Step.

My #1 beef with PVP is the invasion system. I like coop, but if I summon someone to coop, I become vulnerable to an invasion, where an opposing player joins in an attempt to hunt me down. What I have to say is PISS. OFF. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY PVP. I WANT TO PLAY COOP. If I wanted to PVP, I would select that option. I must be in the minority when I don't find this fun. It's not fun to be enjoying your game just for some do** bag to jump in, stall behind a wall of aggro, then lag jump into me to one shot me.

So if you find me spawn camping you when you invade me, good. Screw you. You are only there to rob me of the fun I'm trying to have. Go duel someone. I'll leave you with the 3 word secret to world peace:

Leave. Me. Alone.

We Hate: Permanently Being Locked Out Of Content

As previously stated: if you don't have FightingCowboy and Fextralife holding your hand, you are going to miss such a vast, VAST amount of content, it will make you cry.

Since Elden Dung is an open world game, that allows the player to go anywhere (mostly). The drawback is you can do things out of order, or not realize the guy crying for help is actually a camouflaged plant next to you that you have to roll into for him to unlock his quest....which doesn't yield any significant rewards, anyway.

From powerful weapons, exp farming locations, essential spells, hidden bosses, and even the strongest summon in the game, are TOTALLY MISSABLE IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW THE EXACT. STEPS. STEP BY STEP.

It took me my 4th toon to learn: when THIS GUY[eldenring.wiki.fextralife.com] gives you his potion, HOLD ONTO IT. FOR DEAR. F**ING. LIFE. DON'T give it to anyone. In fact, throw it in your storing chest ASAP. About 60hrs of gameplay later, you can give it to someone to get the best summon in the game. WOULDN'T THAT HAVE BEEN NICE TO KNOW....200HRS AGO???

Who exactly is this bad-ass summon? That's a rant in itself....

We Hate: The Writing...ie....The Dung Eater

Yes. You read that correctly. How creatively bankrupt can you be to make THIS one of the main characters?? Remember when getting the hidden, final summon was awesome in RPG's of old?? In FF7 when you got Knights of the Round; the giant knights and mages with incomprehensible power, and cosmic, other-worldy animation that still looks incredible for 1997 (where it's other competitors in graphics were Toy Story and Veggie Tales)? Or FF8 when you summoned the planet-sized alien Eden that transformed all of Earth into an inter-galactic cannon that blasted the target into a super nova??? Or if you want to tell a tragic tale of corruption breeding more corruption, how about Arthas the Lich King?

Nope. George R.R. Martin blesses us with...the poop-eating necrophile with a paper thin story arc. This had to have started as an April Fool's joke. It isn't edgy, tragic, or even remotely interesting.

He's juvenile AT BEST. With no previous knowledge of the authors, I would have assumed this character was written by 2 preteens that were bored of their computer class, and passed notes to each other from Urban Dictionary tabs they had open.

The only fun I've had with him is baiting him into the crab to one shot him with the death breath. HAHAHA SUCK IT.

In fact, all of the writing in Elden Dung is garbage. I've beaten this game 2 1/2 times and still have no clue what the f**ing f** is going on here. If it wasn't for the title music playing when I fought the final boss, I would have never known who it was. It's like GRRM jumped in and went "IT NEEDS POOP. A LOT OF POOP. POOP EVERYWHERE! ANIMAL POOP, GOLD POOP, A GUY WHO EATS POOP!"

Is this what we have to look forward to? The DLC, Dung Loadable Content? Where you adventure to a mountain region that looks like a giant buttcrack? Do you enter a cave in the center to the Dung Lands? Do we get a dung sword and enchant with the Dung Fling Ash of War? Do we summon our friends with Dung Fingers? Do the dragons of this land turn around and fire dung breath....from the other end? Not to mention its implied that half the major characters are products of incest.

Fromsoftware...I think um....I think we've reached critical mass on poop and incest. Do you have anything else, or can you not because Incest Poo Poo Martin is in charge?

We can have characters that are products of incest, imply one eats poop, but we can't see a nice set of booty or giant golden boobies like in DS1? (which was a great reward for beating Orstien and Smough)

"Remember kids: your movie can be as violent as you want, as long as no one sees a nipple." -The Simpsons

HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER

You'll likely see me rollin as my faith/arc toon Frenzied Spy, so that might be me. Or not.

I also found this cool tip for various multiplayer password to team up. I love coop, so if you know any other way we could party up other than discord or social media, hit me up. Hopefully, you won't hate Elden Dung, now.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/323053-elden-ring/79925448

EDIT: This password business might have saved Elden Ring for me! My pool of players has quadrupled! I'm playing against old bosses way below my level and getting teams faster! Beyond that, I haven't had one disconnect!

PRAISE THE PASSWORD!

Source: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2821454157

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