Introduction
I don't know how I haven't done one of these yet, so let's just pretend this video came out like 10 months ago. My sorcery mod is actually nearing completion,[www.nexusmods.com] and what better way to celebrate than gathering all your favorite spells in the game and seeing how many people I can piss off at once by lining them up to the gallows.
Yeah, I'm sorry, I like being a bubble-blowing double baby as much as the next guy, but a sorcery type with only two spells is practically asking for Judgment Day. With magic, you can do anything from casting glowsticks, to cloaking yourself, to controlling the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ weather.
70 sorceries is actually a massive number by FromSoft standards, and it's even bigger for my standard because my average video length is about one Yu-Gi-Oh episode long.
Oh, you think that fashion video was easy?
You know how much time that ♥♥♥♥ took?
Do I look like I'm running a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ charity?
№ 70 — Tibia's Summons
The worst and the best of anything are always the two most divisive among viewers, so I'm aware that no matter what I put here, someone out there will feel the need to defend it.
And I'm okay with that. I make this statement confidently and shamelessly because I genuinely don't think a single sane person will try and rise to its defense.
Tibia's Summons is a spell we can all look at and just point and laugh. This is a spell that's so impressively deficient that it has nurtured an immunity to being buffed. I'm serious.
Poor Tibia's Summons over here has been through everything from reduced FP cost to increased attack damage to faster casting speed and less recovery time.
But it's all for naught because the same things that give this sorcery its personality and charm are also its hindrances.
Why do they spawn so far away?
Why is the recovery time still so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ long after being buffed, like, twice now, I think?
Why did you make the superior version of this spell and throw it on an axe no one uses?
All the effort and guesswork required to even set it up properly almost never pays off because when it does hit, it's either because the target is standing completely still or you're a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ liar.
№ 69 — Fia's Mist
Not only does Death Blight buildup automatically lock anti-social pariahs like myself completely out of one half of the game experience, but it doesn't work on NPCs, meaning you can't even use it against other tarnished invaders that are scripted to invade you.
That means, speaking from a PvE perspective, this sorcery is useless by literal definition.
That is a fact.
This could have had just a little extra power behind it, maybe a gradual damage over time effect or at least something, but sadly its one single feature is to rack up those death points in PvP.
I'm not even sure how good it is in PvP because I've never ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ used it.
Dunking on Death Blight is so commonplace in the community that everyone should already know by now there are plenty of better options and utilities. I'd rub my balls with this spell but I'm pretty sure I'd lose my Manscaped sponsorship.
№ 68 — Starlight
Look, I'm not judging. If you'd rather have this sorcery on you then carry around the lantern because you feel like roleplaying as Hermione or some ♥♥♥♥ then don't let anyone stop you.
But just because it's slightly brighter still doesn't mean the latter isn't the more efficient alternative.
It's a lantern.
It's a nice convenient hands-free device that doesn't cost you a spell slot and doesn't fizzle out when you're bicep deep in the anus of some volcanic cave.
It's only a nice utility sometimes.
And those just so happen to be the same areas where the lantern torches and just turning your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ brightness up you marsupial will shine just as bright if not brighter. And it reveals all the sorcerers in the town of Sellia.
If you're having trouble with those guys for whatever reason.
Whether or not it's completely worthless is up to you but please don't go defending this ♥♥♥♥ like it's actually doing anything helpful.
№ 67 — Crystal Burst
This spell is just ass.
I really wanted this to be a sorcery counterpart to Bestial Sling because of the fanning pattern of the crystals. But there are some key differences.
Bestial Sling, first off, has real utility. It can flinch low poise enemies, it can combo into other much cooler incantations. Crystal Burst feels like loading a blunderbuss with pillows and bubble wrap. Charging the spell actually makes the spread even worse with very little change to damage. It cannot be cast repeatedly you lying ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ item description writer.
There's exactly one advantage this gives you and that's shredding apart giants for big damage because if you miss a dragon with this, that's your cue to go to bed for the night. You're done.
And if we're talking giant killers, the game already gives you so many different options that Crystal Burst ends up falling out of relevance very quickly.
№ 66 — Unseen Blade
There is exactly one thing that brings this sorcery down to barely being considered.
And that's the inability to use it on unique or infused weapons.
♥♥♥♥ you.
Not only that, but the effect technically counts as a weapon buff, so you can't even buff your weapon without overriding the effect, meaning it's another PvP sorcery.
I guess you can chameleon up your weapon or use it on a whip if you want to mess up your opponent's ability to space out dodges, but that's me really straining and trying my hardest to think of any advantage this could ever give you.
That's it.
That's the only one I can think of.
So if you want to slap it on a long boy like the Pyke or the Nagakiba, then I guess you can do that. If you're not using any weapon like that, you're so much better off just forgetting you ever ran into this spell in the first place.
№ 65 — Frozen Armament
Doesn't work on infused weapons,
doesn't do extra magic damage,
and offers honestly negligible status buildup while competing with Freezing Mist, Chilling Mist Ash of War, and just buffing your weapon with Freezing Grease.
63 frost buildup per attack is more pointless than going deer hunting with a tuba.
At the absolute least, it could be made to work exclusively on cold infused weapons to give the buildup a nice boost, maybe, but even then you would still be ignoring much better frostbite options.
It uses 20 FP, which is just hilarious, because that's the exact amount the Freezing Grease gives you minus the FP investment, and both Chilling Mist and Freezing Mist can be found in the exact same location.
So you don't even have an excuse to use something else.
This game is practically urging you to ignore it.
№ 64 — Eternal Darkness
I'm sure someone thought this was a good idea on paper, but once it was fully implemented, I feel like that person got too carried away with sticking to their guns and acting confident when they should have just taken the L and admitted they didn't know what on God's green ♥♥♥♥ they were doing.
This sorcery could have been good, and whenever I think about the potential, there's a massive well of disappointment that starts festering in me somewhere. I'm convinced this just doesn't ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ work.
It doesn't pull in Holy Sword waves or help out with Elden Stars, it barely pulls in any of Rennala's spam sandwich, doesn't work on rings, fireballs, or any magic outside of basic rudimentary spells. And anything it isn't literally touching usually just speeds right past it anyways.
You have to be literally standing right behind it for this spell to do anything of value.
Why do you find this in Caelid?
Why couldn't you have just set it outside Raya Lucaria as a means of hinting to us that we're free to throw it in the trash by the time we're finished?
№ 63 — Oracle Bubbles
Sometimes we put walls not to block people out, but to see who has the balls to walk around them. And in Elden Ring, that's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ everyone.
I've seen a few people online advocate that this spell is marginally useful when you're being pursued, but I would like to add to that only if the enemy pursuing you is large enough to not give a ♥♥♥♥ about the consequences of walking through a wall of Irish Spring Soap.
The diagonal spread is reasonable enough, and human-sized mobs of all kinds are liable to catch a glancing blow from one or two if you position yourself in a way that forces them to, but I've seen smaller enemies like basilisks and demi-humans just limbo right underneath that ♥♥♥♥. Barely an inconvenience.
Whatever the case is, you're almost always better off launching the Fat Man Bubble and letting it do damage instead of wasting what feels like an hour in the casting animation only for whoever you were aiming at to fly above them, or shield tank through them, or just walk to the right.
№ 62 — Founding Rain Of Stars
Whenever you see someone whining in a forum about how FromSoft hates intelligence users, sorceries like this are usually what piss them off.
Founding Rain is one of the three legendary spells, and it can barely be ♥♥♥♥♥♥ to drag its ass out of bed every morning to earn that title.
Primeval sorcerers were too busy blowing stars out they ass cheeks to stop and consider what this sorcery should and could actually do.
It serves no purpose. I can't think of a single thing another sorcery can't do better. I guess you can think of it as a curtain of protection around you if you want to heal or buff or go and get food or something. The windup certainly gives you plenty of time to do whatever you want. This is a spell you just look at and think, wow, that's getting buffed in the next patch.
Oh, oh, oh, except it didn't, except it didn't, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ blowhard!
They nerfed it! They nerfed it in 1.09, why?
Who made this decision?
This is a legendary spell that sucks ♥♥♥♥, and it just got nerfed!
№ 61 — Briars Of Punishment
This one honestly kind of makes me sad, because the whole point of the two aberrant sorceries is that you're supposed to use them in tandem to maximize your damage and make your casting quicker, but there's no ignoring the fact that when you isolate them, they're far less than the sum of their parts.
The aberrant sorceries are already malnourished quantity-wise, so it's a pretty ballsy move to take what's basically the same sorcery and split it into goes far and doesn't.
This ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ requires 21 faith, are you serious?
What is wrong with you?
If I ever plug any amount of faith into a sorcery build, it's gonna be because I want to share with the world my delicious hot sauce recipe.
Do yourself a favor, go pick up the Gelmir glintstone staff.
This holding on does more damage than letting go.
№ 60 — Glintstone Stars
This is the Pontiac Sunfire of Glintstone sorceries.
It ain't much, but it's the only thing your uneducated ass can even dream of affording for the next five years, so you should at least pretend to be proud of it. Anything it excels at in the early game is very quickly outperformed by its big brother, which you also get from the same damn person if you give her the Conspectus Scroll.
Eventually everything just sort of circles back around to the indisputable fact of life that two or three Glintstone Pebbles can outdamage anything at once.
So it's not like I was expecting Glintstone Stars to go the distance or anything, but as soon as you enter Lyernia, you just start finding better ♥♥♥♥ to build your character with.
It's hardly even a contest.
It's decent for like two hours, and then you'll forget you ever had it.
№ 59 — Stars Of Ruin
This one is kinda sad, because it used to be good.
Too good, in fact.
The tracking was pixel perfect 99% of the time, and it could easily outdamage most of the other showstopper spells in the game to the point where this was just always recommended across the board. It's like your driver's license, there's just no reason you shouldn't take it with you wherever you go.
And then came the infamous patch. 1.07 1.06
Oh boy, this thing got stomped into the dirt.
Tracking is nowhere near as accurate anymore, the damage was massively turned down, and now it's just a sad echo of its former self.
Which really sucks, because this is supposed to be a legendary sorcery. I get why being so powerful you have no competition is a huge problem, but I- look at this. Look at this, this is ridiculous.
Everything just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sidesteps it.
№ 58 — Glintblade Phalanx
This is where we've officially climbed out of the slums and have advanced to the next rank.
The sorceries mentioned from here on aren't exactly bad, but there's usually a huge drawback that prevents most players from even considering it in a build. Maybe it's underwhelming damage, low FP efficiency, it likes DMC 2013, something's wrong with it.
Glintblade Phalanx, for example, would be a great sorcery if it borrowed some of the positives of the Ash of War variant like better stance breaking or borrowing status ailment buffs you placed on your weapon.
Unfortunately, the sorcery does none of that. It's very okay if it's the only Phalanx option you have, but it asks too much FP for what it's worth, considering you've got pretty easy access to its big brother Ash of War counterpart.
I'd skip out on this one.
№ 57 — Briars Of Sin
24 faith is already a high enough ask for a spell that's only ever good for the bleed buildup it causes, but if you don't mind the excess HP loss, it's a decent deterrent against melee attackers if you favor dealing status at range.
It's still just Briars of Punishment, but it's closer, and that's if you aren't counting these two spells separately.
The way this video is oriented kind of forces them to be divided into two halves, and unfortunately that means they're both equally incompetent.
The only reason I would ever favor Briars of Sin over Punishment is that dependable ranged sorceries are a dime a dozen, making the close range AoE category a bit less competitive.
№ 56 — Terra Magica
This spell is used for exactly one thing, and that's to torque the living ♥♥♥♥ out of your damage while forcefully, non-consensually shoving an entire galaxy up the ass of some poor gargoyle that doesn't even know you're there.
This is the only thing I, or you, have ever used this spell for, except Mog, and it's very good in that one scenario, but the area you're required to stand in is deceptively small in comparison to just having a body buff like Golden Vow or Rallying Standard.
Why is it ever a good idea to restrict your movement this much when the whole reason the game's arenas are so massive and open is so the boss' attacks can, you know, fit inside them?
It's a nice spell if you have the advantage of surprise against a field boss that's unaware of your presence, but once they're aware of you, any attack they have that isn't a standard melee is going to force you out of that circle.
Also, moving around is kind of the point. It feels like this spell exists only to squeeze more power out of your already nuclear god-melting sorcery that probably doesn't need it anyways, and if you like high numbers, sure, use it.
If you like playing the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game, maybe don't.
№ 55 — Rancorcall
This sorcery spends a good 80% of the game struggling to out-damage bumping your knee on the edge of your desk, but invest enough intelligence and faith into it and get to the endgame where those flat resistances don't mean ♥♥♥♥, and suddenly that little spud gun turns into a boss-melting harrier strike.
The reason multi-projectile spells like Rancorcall suffer so much is that everything in Elden Ring has something called flat defense.
This is why you see a lot of sorceries like Star Shower and the Fouling spells suffer from piss damage during the beginning but get noticeably better later on.
I say this knowing it absolutely affects Rancorcall, and I still don't think it's an excuse.
Combos if you're using it specifically for stun purposes, but it still ends up being outclassed by Ancient Death Rancor later on.
№ 54 — Explosive Ghostflame
Most death sorceries will be relatively close together because although some of them are really good, the double-int faith requirement is enough to render most of these inferior to something else that's better.
Explosive Ghostflame, for example, requires 42 intelligence and 30 faith.
That's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cracked is what that is.
You're out of your mind if you think I'm investing in that.
And for what?
So I can white out my screen and flashbang myself?
This sorcery needs to be part of a combo for it to land.
You're just gonna piss yourself off if you try to land this solo.
This was given so many buffs in 1.07 and I still don't feel like it's enough to consider using unless it's in a death-themed sorcery build where the Rancor spells can keep things still for long enough to actually receive the hit.
Frostbite buildup is kinda decent, but don't expect show-stopping performance out of this unless you're into mid-maxing.
№ 53 — Crystal Release
I've had some good moments with this spell, I really have.
I've melted dragons with it, I've kept invaders at bay while healing or buffing myself, and it has spell combo potential against a still or slow target.
But every one good time I've had with it is enormously outweighed by the 10 times I've been like, oh my god are you serious?
You were like 5 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ feet, you attacked into it and didn't get hit by it.
It does good damage, it just has to feel like it, you know?
If you can ever motivate the bullet emitter to get off its ass and fire something that travels more than 2 inches in front of your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ face, hitting something with it feels extremely satisfying, but that's only due to the sheer likelihood of any significant damage being done in the first place.
Get yourself a spell that's both satisfying and high damage, like Cannon of Haima.
We're gonna be talking about that ♥♥♥♥♥ later.
Much later.
№ 52 — Glintstone Arc
The starting Astrologer class gives you two sorceries.
One of them is extremely viable that only increases in both damage and utility as the game throws more ♥♥♥♥ at you.
And the other one is a Duelist Moonblade for poor people.
I've never used this outside of capturing footage occasionally when I mention it, and every time I mention it I'm like ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, now I have to boot up the game and poke people with this thing for 5 minutes.
As you begin using this, you start having small panic attacks, thinking about how many enemies this game actually expects you to deal with at once, and then 3 hours later when you've used the spell a grand total of like 6 times, you reflect on it and realize the very first ruins area that had 30 guards in it was pretty likely made to demo how cool the Glintstone Arc looked.
There's such a massive abundance of wave magic out there that this one ends up being the first to fall to the wayside.
They had so much of this kind of magic in fact that you can dig up unused projectiles by just randomly entering 6 digit numbers in the regulation bin.
Did you know this arc projectile was supposed to be a part of Taker's Flames at one point?
There's too many of these.
I'm pretty sure I killed a bird with this once.
That's about it.
№ 51 — Lucidity
Ah yes, finally, I have the perfect tool that'll help me kill that ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ crab in the snow field.
It alleviates sleep and madness, which means this might actually help you a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in frenzy builds where you're constantly on the brink of proccing madness, and it looks kinda cool.
I'm officially out of positive things to say about Lucidity.
It really sucks that one of the Icarian spells focused on support ends up having such a niche utility that it's completely ignored in almost every playthrough that doesn't involve frenzy incantations.
The madness enemies that are in the game are generally very easy to play around, and even if they weren't, you've got clarifying boluses, law of regression, and a bunch of other ♥♥♥♥ you can use to deal with it.
№ 50 — Unseen Form
Lasts for 30 seconds.
So even if I do tell you it's great for exploring the Ordina Evergaol, don't get mad at me when it suddenly runs out mid-stride and you end up getting zapped.
On the plus side, the intelligence requirement is extremely low, making it good for bypassing pretty much anything you don't really want to fight, although it doesn't completely remove the possibility of you being detected.
You still make sounds, so crouching is still necessary.
You can't just run by ♥♥♥♥ because you're late to a therapist appointment.
Additionally, if you're close enough to something, they can still aggro even if you're sneaking by them if you're in their line of sight, making this yet another extremely niche sorcery that only ever sees use in certain parts of the game.
Or on sneak builds.
But who the ♥♥♥♥ uses those?
№ 49 — Freezing Mist
It's a bit on the underrated side just because people expect this to be a counterpart to Poison Mist, where you stand behind something and watch whatever's in the AOE gaslight themselves into literally ignoring hypothermia.
But it's actually a little more than that.
120 frost buildup is pretty decent. It still may take two or three casts to actually proc something, especially taking frostbite resistance into account, but it gets the job done pretty reliably.
If you feel like this spell doesn't do anything, don't worry, I remember spending way too much time thinking about why this sorcery sucked so much ass and why I couldn't get it to work before realizing I was trying to proc frostbite on a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DEATH BIRD.
Just test it on some other targets first. I promise this spell isn't useless, it's just kinda slow.
And niche.
And you should probably be using Moonblade anyways.
№ 48 — Roiling Magma
I'm 90% convinced this sorcery is mechanically broken and someone on the team is waiting for me to mention it in a video just so they can fix it and make me look like a moron, so here goes nothing.
Roiling Magma is great when used properly, and you use it properly by firing it at the ground and pulling people into it with gravity spells, or just predicting where someone's going to be and planting it there. This wouldn't be too bad if it weren't for the fact that landing direct hits on enemies just cancels the whole thing.
No explosion, no lava pools, no confetti or fanfare or any of that ♥♥♥♥, just a fraction of damage and a big middle finger as a reward for your accuracy.
I don't care if someone on Reddit is gonna tell me I'm not using it correctly.
Why does this happen?
Why doesn't it just explode sooner?
Or, you know, explode normally?
№ 47 — Magic Downpour
Much like Crystal Release, this one is only ever useful if you plan on hunting giant enemies.
The projectiles are slower, but that actually plays a bit to your benefit because that essentially means longer active time per bullet, and therefore a higher chance of each projectile actually doing its job and hitting something.
The 18 intelligence requirement fools you into thinking it's a beginner sorcery when in fact it deals most of its damage during the endgame with a higher intelligence investment.
None of what I just said does anything to pull this spell anywhere out of low C tier for me, but it's got its perks.
№ 46 — Meteorite
It's long been a trend for RPGs like Elden Ring to give you the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ magic spell near the beginning just to have an excuse to hand you a much more tuned up mega variant of the same ability.
It's not the worst approach to developing sorceries, I guess, but it starts chewing up space in the magic pool really quickly if that happens too much.
And it happens too much.
Meteorite doesn't even need to be a spell, honestly.
The one we get from Astel is more than enough.
It's not terribly deep into late game territory.
You could probably take him down at level 90 or 100 if you really wanted to.
The meteors have ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tracking, if any, I can barely tell.
It's only good for larger enemies, and its utility is ultimately outclassed by lesser sorceries that don't ask for nearly as much FP or intelligence.
But if you manage to wedge yourself underneath the ballsack of a dragon, it's one of the best sorceries you could be stuck with.
№ 45 — Glintstone Icecrag
How fast is this spell?
Not very.
Not very fast.
Sorry, couldn't think of a joke.
Just use Great Glintstone Shard if you're looking for efficiency.
If you're looking for a Snow Witch build, this honestly isn't the worst spell you could get stuck with. That title belongs to Frozen Armament.
Using the Snow Witch hat can squeeze a little extra bite out of it, but it'll never really do anything that's that spectacular.
The Frostbite buildup is in competition with so many other sources of it that depending solely on this sorcery for status, just because you can cast it repeatedly is not a big brain move.
That doesn't mean it won't reliably hit dodging targets, since dodging is usually synced with when you cast, instead of when the bullet is right in ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ front of them.
It can be useful, but it probably won't.
№ 44 — Ambush Shard
No idea why this doesn't get boosted by Staff of Loss, but just because I can poke people in the ass if they're carrying shields doesn't mean it should be a mainstay.
It's really good at what it does, which is pissing people off.
Including me. That's about it.
No matter what kind of stance your target is in, this sorcery will likely deal 100% of its intended damage, but this amount of damage for 13 FP is quite honestly ridiculous.
There are plenty of better ways to get around shields, even if you're only sticking to knight sorceries. You can have some great fun with it.
It sure beats finishing ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ off with boring ass knives and kukris from a distance, but if you're wanting to go after knight sorceries, you already have a pair of spells that offer you way more of an advantage.
№ 43 — Carian Retaliation
This is where it might benefit me to remind you I'm not an experienced PvP player.
If I felt like getting one-shot by some chuck of ♥♥♥♥ with a giant hammer, I'd piss someone off at my local hardware store.
Carrion Retaliation is very average.
It only spawns three glintblades.
The parry timing can be a little weird to get used to because you're casting a sorcery and not using an actual shield. And the major benefit it offers, which is the ability to neutralize certain spells, can be found on other skills like the full moon spells, topsa's barrier, storm wall, and golden retaliation.
It's useful for some counterplay here and there, but I feel like it's almost always about the appeal of eating a stray glintstone pebble and thinking, look how cool that was, instead of, this is such a great spell that I'm totally going to use for absolutely everything all the time.
№ 42 — Comet Azur
You better hope to god, whatever the hell you're aiming at is standing still, because if this isn't your main opener, then you might as well just give up on making it work.
Even calling this sorcery overrated is overrated in and of itself.
It's the reddit spell, it's the big numbers spell.
You only need to use this if you're running low on internet attention and feel like showing people on YouTube a two minute video of you just eating 37 buffs and then nuking a child toucher.
And at 60 intelligence, this power glutton also demands three of your spell slots, which is almost never worth.
I'm sure it's great if you use
Hidden Tear,
Terra Magica,
and have Magic Scorpion
and Branchswords
using Lusat's Staff with 90 intelligence
on the second Thursday of May during a solar eclipse,
but who gives a pair of ♥♥♥♥♥ about all that when you can,
you know,
play the game.
№ 41 — Gelmir's Fury
This sorcery is in a much better place than it used to be now that the casting time and projectile speed have been buffed over the months.
The magma pools dissipate much quicker than the other magma sorceries, which kinda sucks because you can no longer give the floor a fresh coat of paint and then get someone's attention and force them to walk into it.
It is a great way to claim space around you if you've just finished a repost on someone.
If an invader tries to get back up and continue attacking, they'll pretty consistently end up taking more damage than you in that exchange.
Fire damage is also a wonderful resource that literally melts everything that isn't made of steel, so if you're a sorcerer and your fire damage options are something you can count on one hand, you might as well start taking advantage of it.
№ 40 — Thops's Barrier
This spell ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pisses me off.
A sorcery that's this cool and has such an amazing backstory that reveals what ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ the higher ups at the academy are should have at least been given to a sorcery that can be more functionally ubiquitous.
This is the better deflection spell, the chadmium to the virgin that is eternal darkness.
Better area control, longer uptime, works on more projectiles, it's just better.
It trivializes Elden Stars, like I mean trivializes it.
I love pulling this spell out during the Elden Beast boss fight and just watching Elden Stars get women's college volleyball varsity spiked right into the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ floor and it kills the spell immediately, and I have a little hearty chuckle to myself every time I see it because it is funny.
Does that mean it's good?
Well, yeah, it's really good at what it does.
The animation keeps you in the deflecting state, meaning you can't really do anything else when it's up, and it's good when you know you're about to get hit by something, making it marginally better than Eternal Darkness, and in rare cases, even better than Carian Retaliation.
Very, very rare cases.
№ 39 — Greatblade Phalanx
You guys remember when this gluttonous bastard needed 43 FP to cast?
Well, 30 can still be a bit much at times, but talking about damage to FP efficiency won't get us anywhere with this sorcery, because if you're using it, it sounds like you're less interested in damage and more interested in chaining together spell combos like you just downloaded a style meter mod.
The stance damage means you can fight duo and trio bosses without feeling overly cheesy, you can put other great melee sorceries to use like Rock Blaster, Ice Storm, and Shattering Crystal, or you can do none of that and just beat an idiot senseless with Cragblade, watch them develop rubber knees, and save that 30 FP for something more flexible.
But if you've ever been interested in Phalanx spells, I highly recommend you broaden up your melee magic selection a bit and then come back to this video later to tell me how right it was.
№ 38 — Scholar's Armament
This one ended up being towards the middle for me just because it took me forever to realize this buff also gives your weapon some extra poise damage on the side, which kinda tightens up the competition a bit because I went into this video fully expecting this spell to land somewhere in the 50s.
So now I have to take all the jokes I was gonna make about it and switch them to another point in the video. I'll just put them on Frozen Armament, no one gives a ♥♥♥♥ about that spell anyways.
Scholar's Armament is a sorcery nobody ever thinks is good until they actually see the difference it makes. Flat damage bonuses are downright illegal in the first half of really any Souls game.
Bloodborne works the same way, anytime you wanted to take a mental break for the next 10 minutes and turn the game into a lawn mowing simulator, you just slap on some firepaper and enjoy your free ride to the next area.
Sadly, infusing weapons is still probably the better choice 80% of the time, because those flat numbers will only get you so far until exploiting some degree of weakness starts becoming a requirement to push on.
№ 37 — Night Maiden's Mist
Let's go ahead and recognize that we've entered the second half of the video.
No matter how hard I dunk on any of these sorceries moving forward, every one of them can be at least considered good or usable to some degree.
Maybe not universally, but consistently enough to be looked at for most builds.
Okay, now with that out of the way, Night Maiden's Mist is the weakest ♥♥♥♥ in the world.
How the hell do you expect me to do zoning properly if I keep running into them and inhaling my own toxic fart clouds? I'm serious, there better be a good reason for that ♥♥♥♥ or I'm prank calling Miyazaki right now.
The damage is respectable, and if you're fighting in an enclosed space like one of the dungeons, you'll pretty much force whoever you aggro to walk right through it. It's great for invasions because apparently it helps with dislodging campers and rune farmers.
I wouldn't know.
My mom actually loves me.
№ 36 — Rennala's Full Moon
Great for an opener against tough bosses, and for transitions in between phases.
The buff lasts long enough to get through a hard enough boss fight in one cast if you're not a lobotomite.
It has just enough tracking to barely miss whatever it's aiming at, but luckily the blast radius is large enough for the damage and the debuff to usually go through, making this sentence absolutely pointless.
Wow, I sure hope that extra 7 seconds helps extend the watch time of this 56 minute long video.
Damage isn't everything, but ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ it sure helps.
I don't know this Rennala chick, but for 47 FPs she better be playing the damn game for me.
And in most cases, that's exactly what it feels like, because the debuff definitely pulls its weight.
It's never going to perform at its peak until you grab the regal scepter and torque your intelligence all the way up to 80, but once you get there, you start seeing some miracle ♥♥♥♥.
№ 35 — Ranni's Dark Moon
This spell has 270 frostbite buildup, jesus burger flippin christ.
Well, so that might as well be two debuffs at once, combining for a grand total of around 30% extra magic damage, 20% from the frostbite, and an extra 10% from the debuff itself. I previously thought this spell to be pretty ridiculous for 57 FP, there's no way a single sorcery can ever be worth an asking price like that.
Yes, I know the hidden tier exists, I don't give a ♥♥♥♥, I'm talking about principles, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Ignore every single person who says this spell needs a buff.
Trauma has robbed these individuals of their dopamine and now they just get excited when something they do causes a big number to flash on the screen, and that's all they care about.
Some sorceries you know are more vulnerable to frostbite, sometimes 270 is all you need, and so a single hit with this moon nuke can just proc both debuffs at once and give you the full 30%.
№ 34 — Loretta's Mastery
This sorcery would easily be booted up into the top 15 as soon as we found a way to keep the bottom left arrow from headbutting the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ floor all the time.
Casting this laterally is just a lost cause.
Your best bet is to catch a dragon flying and aim high so that all four arrows actually reach their intended destination.
Loretta's sorceries are really ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cool, and I'm really sad about how low this one is because uncharged shots have seen their projectile sizes reduced over time to avoid the bottom arrow from scraping the ground, but charging it on the other hand significantly increases the likelihood that that's just going to happen anyways.
The damage on this is already suboptimal enough even when they all connect, and with 39 FP you bet your ass I'm taking my time lining these shots up.
This is a really bad time to start running into hitbox problems.
It's a great spell on horseback though, so there's that.
№ 33 — Magma Shot
Decent enough damage at point blank range, and the lingering lava pools can allow you distance from enemies of various types from dogs to hands to normal soldiers.
It's a sorcery with great damage and utility, and I know you can't shut me the ♥♥♥♥ up about how unreasonably imbalanced fire damage is so I'm just gonna keep bringing it up like the narcissist I am. It took us a long time to get here, but after being buffed multiple times it finally feels like this sorcery is in a viable enough position to have some really great uses.
The quest is absolute baby ♥♥♥♥, kill your family, who cares, we're all gonna be dust one day anyway. There, now have this.
Used to be 18 FP?
Nope, it's 16.
Well, I mean, when you put it like that, I guess I meant it.
Okay, and you're going to jail.
Look, the spell's good, what else do you want?
№ 32 — Carian Phalanx
I've seen a lot of intelligence builds sleep on this just because they don't want to miss out on the stance-breaking potential of Greatblade.
I think that's because people tried this sorcery months ago and realized what an enormous heap of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ it was, and then just never bothered to reconsider it despite it being buffed multiple times since.
This sorcery shreds Black Knife Assassins.
Don't have Sentry's Torch?
Don't worry, no one cares about that overpriced Halloween decoration anyways. Carian Phalanx will act as a mosquito repellent against these ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in the Ordina Evergaol.
It's great for damage, it's great for keeping something else busy in a 1v2, and if you're melee-focused, it's one of the best anti-mage sorceries you could ever ask for.
Wait until they're casting some big boy magic, realize they're gonna be stuck in the animation for the next two hours, and then just cast this, run straight at them, and enjoy your free damage.
№ 31 — Crystal Torrent
This is what Comet Azur would look like if it actually gave a ♥♥♥♥ about being viable.
That little bit of tracking actually helps it along quite nicely, and you're about one Ironjar aromatic away from figuring out a speedrun tech for big bosses.
Some people might recommend Comet Azur over this if you just like big numbers, but I'm actually gonna take that recommendation and word it how it should be.
Use Comet Azur if you ONLY care about big numbers. Because facing the truth here, Crystal Torrent requires a bit more counterplay than just walking to the right.
It chews up significantly less FP and only needs a single spell slot while being compatible with all the same buffs.
Slap it on Crystal Staff and you've basically created a better Comet Azur.
I don't know what else to say, it's good.
№ 30 — Collapsing Stars
I really wanted this sorcery to be much better than it is just because the name sounded cool.
It might not be one of the best sorceries you could choose, but it is my favorite and this is my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ list.
Even so, I'm willing to stay at 28 because even I can recognize some of its severe shortcomings. It stuns even larger enemies pretty reliably and also puts them in a wonderful spot for a melee sorcery.
Pull a dense idiot into phalanx range, have a great blade ready to break the stance, and then whip out the good ol' power drill.
As for the downsides, although it does have pretty exceptional homing, it's still not that uncommon for a majority of the spell to just miss completely.
The most advantages of this sorcery kind of banks on the fact that all of those shots are hitting.
The damage can get really nice, but this is a utility spell first and foremost, designed to set up stronger melee spells in Ashes of War.
So if you feel like this spell is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, try using it like that first.
№ 29 — Scholar's Shield
A bit boring, but the fact that it works with unique shields gives it a massive advantage over Shield Grease and Shield Infusing.
This is hands down your best option for guarding and counterattacking builds. People tend to think that because the spell itself is cyan colored, it only works with magic damage negation.
And although that is the best type of damage it helps with, it also gives you 30% extra damage negation of all types when guarding, on top of 25% more guard boost ability.
This is THE shield buff.
Like, nothing compares.
Feel like the fingerprint shield nerfs back from an earlier patch ♥♥♥♥♥♥ you over?
Well, you can double dog♥♥♥♥ over the patch by applying this simple wingardium-whatever-the-hell to your fingerprint grade shield and return to cancer land, you conniving little shrimp.
№ 28 — Shattering Crystal
The only crystal sorcery I think a lot of people use in builds that are actually serious, as well as being my favorite crystal spell.
You can straight up one-tap ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ from melee range if they get silly. If it isn't something heavily armored like a Crucible Knight, it's just going to get eviscerated.
On very rare occasions, the RNG of the bullet spread will be extremely nice to you, and you'll get point-blank damage from a cast that was a good 10 feet away from whatever you were firing at.
Obviously, this can also work against you on equally rare occasions, where you can literally see the pores of someone's skin and only blast them for around 300 damage.
Thankfully, this is very uncommon. It's still consistent enough to have lots of great advantages, but the few times where it doesn't work as intended will have you feel like pulling a grocery bag over someone's head and punching them in the face.
№ 27 — Shatter Earth
This one has always made me a little conflicted.
On the one hand, this can be followed up with any phalanx spell, and the amount of damage it ends up doing against stance-broken targets is just stupid good for 10 FP.
But on the other, trying to score a direct hit with this sorcery in any other situation is so abysmally, uncomfortably hopeless that you're better off literally just throwing down all your weapons and just punching someone to death.
Sure, you can save it specifically for critical hits when you've chewed up the enemy's stance meter at range, but guess what, dumbass?
Now that ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥'s 100 feet away and your goofy ass is sprinting towards him frantically pressing the up button because you keep 9 spells slotted and only use 3.
Meanwhile you've got access to all the Phalanxes, Shattering crystal, Magma shot, Bestial sling, Dragonclaw, Dragonmaw, and just anything else.
№ 26 — Star Shower
Like I said, I don't play too much PVP, but from what I've heard online, spamming this spell at opponents is just about the easiest way to get people to loathe you as a person next to rivers of blood.
It has the tracking stars of ruin wishes it had, and it costs 23 FP to use, which is exactly the amount it should cost, I think.
Don't be going after that stars of ruined, this is the real legendary spell. And it's not even that legendary. 23 FP cost still isn't great considering the damage it does, it's just a really spammable sorcery that does a surprisingly high amount of poise damage.
2 or 3 charge casts could probably take down the poise of a runebearer if you've got the right talismans for it.
It's a multi-hit sorcery, so as usual, don't expect it to pop off until you get into the 60s for intelligence.
№ 25 — Rock Blaster
I'm placing this one slightly above Shatter Earth, not just because this is the obviously roided out version of it, but because the simple solution of tacking on an optional forward walking windup pretty efficiently solves the problem of needing 600 IQ and divine intervention for it not to be a waste of FP.
The drilling animation is pretty good at stunlocking smaller enemies and especially NPC invaders, which means you're one small poise buff away from being able to turbo lobotomize anyone who runs at you.
It's still niche, I guess, sure, but it's actually very reliable at punishing people who just rush you without thought, especially when paired with poise buffs or when chained into other melee spells.
And no matter how situational this sorcery ends up being, I can still say aggressively jackhammering someone's skull in like it consists entirely of packing peanuts and unfulfilled dreams is a nice way to end a duel.
№ 24 — Ancient Death Rancor
This is what Rancorcall would be like if it actually had damage worth a ♥♥♥♥.
These little demons go much further than people think they do.
The insane tracking and longer than average bullet time make these a nightmare to deal with in PvP.
Spamming this at anything pretty much guarantees a stunlock, and now you can finally make Melania throw her ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ controller in a fit of rage for a change.
Have fun shopping for a new gamepad!
I heard Razor gives a 30% discount to people who have never played a game in their life!
The damage isn't the best, but with a sorcery like this, I don't think it really needs to be.
Not when casting this and Rykard's Rancor allows your opponent to simulate what it would be like playing Elden Ring with a black curtain hanging over their monitor.
№ 23 — Carian Greatsword
The most inferior of all Carian's sword sorceries, and it still slaps your ass till it bleeds.
A lot of melee casters tend to have trouble choosing between this and Gavel, but I think what ultimately matters is the kind of moron you're looking to hunt.
If you're after breaking someone's kneecaps, I would almost always choose Gavel, because the first swing will sometimes break stances, leaving your opponent open to being extra pancaked by the follow-up.
I personally prefer Greatsword because it's able to deal heavy damage, while the width of the swing makes it better for crowd control, and the slightly delayed casting speed can really punish aggressive enemies with ♥♥♥♥♥♥ poise like the Omen and Leyndell Sewers.
The casting animation is virtually indistinguishable from a duel as Moonblade, meaning you can psych people out in duels by first casting Greatsword and then switching to Moonblade, and they likely won't expect the slash projectile unless they're really paying attention.
№ 22 — Rykard's Rancor
This is the second most underrated spell on this list.
If you're not unlucky enough for the sorcery to immediately take a nosedive into the floor, then you basically have the benefit of nothing touching you for like, the next 30 seconds.
Fire damage in and of itself is a great utility, there it is again, because if you're a sorcerer, then you're taking advantage of almost none of it.
This makes the mountaintop area a cheese ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ sandwich, because everything minus the Fire Monks is just gonna piss themselves ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ when they're hit with anything fire-related.
Deathrite birds get vanquished by this, avatars get burned alive, Borealis doesn't know what the ♥♥♥♥'s happening, and it even helps out by providing healing cover in NPC fights like Okina and Vike.
If you're a sorcerer that's allergic to making good decisions like investing in faith, reconsider how you're living your life.
I'm not giving you tax advice or telling you to invest in Rusty Coin, I'm just telling you how great a sorcery this is and how tragic it is that you're missing out on it just because you want to torque your intelligence up to 80 before you hit the endgame.
№ 21 — Comet
If it lands, it'll ruin that ♥♥♥♥♥♥'s day.
If it doesn't, you'll ruin your own day because you now have 24 less FP.
Yeah, this ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ needs 24 FP per cast.
That should be ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ illegal.
Why does such a rudimentary spell need to have this many upgrades?
Pebble was good for early game until you find GGS, then GGS is your go-to for a while until it eventually gets replaced by Comet Shard.
That's enough!
You don't need four ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ iterations of the same sorcery, what is this?
Is making sorceries really that hard?
You have over 100 incantations to choose from compared to 70 sorceries and half of them just involve swinging your staff and tossing out a rock made of ♥♥♥♥ you energy.
You either feel like you're doing way too much damage, or you're constantly 3 footsteps away from maximum range and pissing away your valuable FP. It's a lovely spell, it feels fun, and it's a great way to erase whatever you don't like on the screen, but why is it ever necessary?
If you're a pure caster that's focused on intelligence, Comet is an absolute ♥♥♥ dumpster of a spell.
But if you're split between INT and DEX or something else, I almost don't want to recommend this, because this ♥♥♥♥♥ demands 52 intelligence as a bottom line.
№ 20 — Glintstone Pebble
Yep, that's where it is.
I'm sorry, I have too much dignity to rank it any higher than that.
I don't care how reliable it is, 20's the best you're getting.
Simply put, this sorcery has the best damage to FP ratio of all the rudimentary, straightforward Glintstone bullet spells. If you're actually hitting all your shots.
That's something called fair.
That's a huge reason why the range didn't need to be increased, calm down.
If you prefer Glintstone Pebble over the other souped-up iterations you get later on, I don't even want to see what your FP bar looks like, because it's probably smaller than my peepee- uh, your peepee.
Who gives a ♥♥♥♥ about how many blue flasks you have left if it took you 10 minutes to kill the Tibia Mariner at the mountaintop?
Take a risk every once in a while, ♥♥♥♥'s sake.
№ 19 — Crystal Barrage
Most underrated spell in the game, hands down, not taking criticism, not interested in debates, go ♥♥♥♥ yourself. Most underrated spell in the whole game.
No one looks at this just because Selen gives it to you for like 1,500 runes at the very start of the game.
Remember what I said about multi-hit sorceries being ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ when they first start out?
Yeah, watch this. This is...
Okay, now I know this looks bad, but yeah, this is pretty bad.
Okay, now here's what that same spell does at level 125 with 60 intelligence.
Now here's what that same ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ looks like at level 160 with 80 intelligence. Jesus pizza-delivering, Genshin-playing Christ.
I don't even know if this deserves to be top 20, but so many people sleep on it that I almost feel like going contrarian mode and just placing it higher so more people will look at it.
But I'm not.
Look, if you have a new game plus save, just try it.
Like, please.
№ 18 — Adula's Moonblade
Probably the most well-rounded sorcery in the entire video.
It throws out a nice wide projectile that absolutely no one can dodge for some reason.
It used to be a guaranteed mainstay prior to a pretty fair nerf, I would say.
The damage was a bit ridiculous, if I'm being honest.
But nerfing aside, this can still be boosted by both Snow Witch Hat and the Carian Glintstone staff.
Bigger enemies like dragons and trolls can potentially get hit by the same projectile multiple times, which can immediately proc Frostbite on the right target.
This spell is just really ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ fun to use. It's very uniquely exhilarating, just launching an anime slash through a crowd of defenseless zombie-looking douchebags with Taker's cameo and watching that big-ass health bar go waaaay up.
Because if there's one thing this channel takes seriously, it's preying on the less fortunate.
№ 17 — Loretta's Greatbow
Imagine all the drawbacks about Loretta's mastery just vanished one day and left you with a lower FP cost, lower stat requirement, single projectile railgun that fired great sound design as bullets.
Here's a more relatable scenario. Imagine building a D&D campaign with your friends.
One friend chooses the monk class, the other one wants to try artificer.
Maybe another picks generic knight or something.
And the fourth person, no one invited, talks about how they built a custom class and then whips out the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Gauss Cannon from Halo.
The major benefit of this spell is the fact that you're always using it from the safety of a sniper's canopy you've set up a mile away from your target. If you have the element of surprise on your side, you might as well stack yourself with all the buffs you can dig up in your inventory that you've been ignoring for the past six hours.
You can shave thousands of HP off of whatever you're aiming at without any buffs if you have the stats for it.
So imagine what that ♥♥♥♥♥ can do when it's amplified by
Lusat Staff,
Magic Scorpion,
Godfrey Icon,
Graven-Mass,
Branchswords,
Magic-Shrouding Cracked Tear,
Rallying Standard,
Contagious Fury,
and Terra Magica.
№ 16 — Gravity Well
I favor this one over Collapsing Stars because even if the former can rack up more damage, the tracking on Gravity Well, in addition to it being one simple projectile, makes it much easier to consistently score hits with.
It's a nice, reliable, low-FP crowd control option that deals wonderful damage with high intelligence and doubles as a nice setup for melee sorceries like Gavel and Piercer.
People always underestimate the pull this thing has, making it extremely fun to just bait ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ around the sides of cliffs and yank them down to their impending doom.
The slight delay after the cast means most if not all enemies that can dodge will dodge at the exact wrong time that allows them to still take the hit.
You cannot avoid this thing.
Being hit by Gravity Well if you're an NPC invader is as certain as tax season.
It's fast, it's dependable, and with Meteorite Staff, you'll never need another spell.
№ 15 — Gavel Of Haima
Finally, now I have everything I need to complete my Judge Judy cosplay.
At a first glance, one could easily draw the conclusion that Gavel outpaces the Carian Greatsword in damage, speed, and stance breaking.
And at a second glance, those conclusions remain correct.
Which is really funny because the whole point of this spell isn't even straight DPS, yet it's probably one of the better damage sorceries, at least in the melee column.
Ever since that casting speed buff it got a few patches ago, this has become a mainstay in pretty much every sorcery character I have.
I'm so glad we've grown past the early Dark Souls way of creating sorceries, where you just cast 35 different iterations of Soul Arrow. Mages get a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hammer in this game.
Did you understand the gravity of what I just said?
Running around with ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ HAMMERS.
№ 14 + №13 — Glintstone Cometshard + Great Glintstone Shard
And since this video's already long enough, I'm just gonna make this one a double feature and just go ahead and put GGS at 13, because they're the exact same ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ spell and I'm tired of pretending they aren't.
You can either kill ♥♥♥♥, or kill ♥♥♥♥ but with extra steps. GGS travels slower, but they both have almost exactly the same range.
Cometshard, however, has slightly ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tracking, having a homing angle of 25 while the GGS clocks in at 35.
And I'm literally comparing the two bullets in the regulation bin, so if you doubt me then just know I'm reading from the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ encyclopedia right now.
The only reason I would rank Cometshard lower despite dealing more damage is that traveling slightly faster while having ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ tracking just means it's more likely to miss. And that's not a risk I need to be taking when I'm already giving up 17 FP per cast.
№ 12 — Zamor Ice Storm
I have a busy life.
Not a lot of spells out there allow you to multitask, which is why I'm thankful that all I need to do is wind this up and I'm free to watch a couple more episodes of Chainsaw Man waiting for it to finish.
And if you thought my review of your mom's sex life was disagreeable, you should hear my opinion on the spell.
I'd say buffing the casting speed would be a nice step in the right direction, but that's completely ignoring the amount of damage it does.
Just because it's slow doesn't mean you can't use it strategically.
Break someone's stance and cast this when they're right next to you, and then watch them roll around like they've been sentenced to life in prison and the judge just ordered them to breakdance for their freedom before having 3,000 damage shoved up their ass.
Oh, and it also deflects pots.
№ 11 — Cannon Of Haima
I have a busy life.
Not a lot of spells out there allow you to multitask, which is wha-
whatever, just buff the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cast speed, Jesus Christ.
You like Giants' flame incantations?
You like throwing giant fireballs but don't feel like dedicating two slots to it?
I've got the spell for you right here.
Only 25 intelligence, faster speed, bigger bullet size, and blast radius, and all while being just slightly harder to dodge than people think it is.
The bullet size is actually so massive that if something taller than you rushes you, this is just about guaranteed to explode point blank.
And in case you didn't know, that's, uh, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ everything.
And I hear people saying, what if I'm in the catacombs, you idiot, it's just gonna hit a wall every time I cast, it was- no, no, you toothbrush-chewing ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
That's the best part.
I swear to God you can toss this ♥♥♥♥ straight into the ceiling, and the AOE is so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ fat that whatever dares come near you is still gonna get splattered all over the walls.
Cannon is an S-tier spell, and I genuinely mean that.
Alright, this is it.
Your experience with this video has now been reduced to nothing more than a WatchMojo upload. On a topic I've technically already done twice.
Wow, what's next, Rusty, you gonna make a ranking of your own ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mod too[www.nexusmods.com] ?
№ 10 — Rock Sling
Slingin' ♥♥♥♥♥♥' rocks.
This is somehow one of the greatest spells in the game, and it's literally chucking rocks.
If you can get past the awkward curve they do when homing onto targets, this sorcery is actually extremely versatile, despite it looking simpler than vanilla yogurt.
If you don't mind some extra hair on your chest, you can throw yourself into Kale at early game and march straight to the sorcery in the Street of Sages ruins.
Only 18 intelligence and 18 FP, and it deals physical damage, making it one of the only sorceries you can take into Raya Lucaria without getting your asscheeks blasted.
Everything about this spell is just better than you think it is, from the raw damage to the stance break potential to the range being increased by arrow sting, it's full of surprises, and I can't believe a sorcery where you just throw rocks is where we're starting the top 10.
№ 9 — Magic Glintblade
It is stupid how good this spell is.
In case I have some math nerds out there watching this, the Glintstone Pebble has a base damage of 148, citing the regulation bin.
This sorcery has been praised for having the best damage to FP ratio in the game, and here sits Magic Glintblade with a base damage of 180, and charging it gives 230, and it only needs 12 FP.
If you start as the prisoner class, then the game just gives it to you, and you better do that too, because if not then you're waiting until you get to Liurnia and buy it from Miriel.
I don't know why I made that sound like it was complicated, you can just go straight there, it takes like 5 minutes.
This was the first spell that taught me that some enemies in Elden Ring have dodging AI, and subsequently that the dodging AI is a joke.
Since there's a delay before it fires, anything you cast it at will dodge literally nothing, rush at you after it thinks it's done something, and then just run right into the spell.
Like they just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ headbutt it.
№ 8 — Great Oracular Bubble
Some might dislike this spell, because it's too slow.
Well ♥♥♥♥ you, you're too slow.
If you're itching for me to say something slightly negative about this sorcery, just so you can be like bubble bad and then return to making your 9th dragon cultist, but I'll try something different this time I promise, then I have no good news for you.
Because I actually think the slow speed gives it a massive advantage over other sorceries that compete with its damage.
First off, it travels barely 9 inches per second, which means if your enemy has a dodge AI, then no it doesn't.
Second, a slow travel time means you can be charging up 2 or 3 of these big boys and launching them towards a completely unaware target, and you've done about 5 to 6 thousand damage before they can even turn their ass around.
You can use it as a boss opener, you can use gravity magic to pull someone into it, you can use godfrey icon. It does the damage of a full moon spell, and uses about a third of the FP.
How the ♥♥♥♥ can you not like this spell?
№ 7 — Carian Piercer
In my opinion, the most broken carrion sword sorcery, and the most broken melee sorcery in the entire game.
And we haven't even made it to slicer yet. I don't think this because it has some absurd potential for damage by being compatible with the best magic buffs and the carrion glintstone staff, all while not even counting as a thrust attack, therefore ignoring the high pierce defense of black knife assassins and some of the game's other notorious spanking machines.
I don't think it's the best because it has a lingering hitbox that literally gaslights people in the coliseum into thinking lag is why they're playing bad.
I think this sorcery is one of the greatest because of what it does to crucible knights.
Oh my god.
I should be charged with a crime right now. I'm pretty sure this legally qualifies as abuse.
№ 6 — Shard Spiral
Yep, that one sorcery you forgot you even had.
It travels through enemies and deals damage every three tenths of a second.
At four seconds of uptime, that's a maximum of 14 hits, including the initial contact.
Each hit deals 92 magic damage, which totals out to a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lot more than it probably should.
Like, why are you not use it?
Why does no one use this?
♥♥♥♥ what I said about Crystal Barrage.
This is the most underrated sorcery.
No competition.
For the damage this spell does over time, 14 FP should be considered an exploit.
Sorry, Placidus Axe, I'm in a rush today. That's weird, coulda sworn you could teleport.
How much magic resistance does Elden Beast have again?
Oh, not enough.
Show it to someone who gives a ♥♥♥♥.
Resist these nuts, ya ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ amoeboid.
Oh, it's Maliketh.
Okay, so not that good against Maliketh.
Yeah, if it's fast enough, Spiral won't do ass.
№ 5 — Swift Glintstone Shard
This sorcery has no right being up here.
I hope everyone knows that.
This little kidney stone piece of ♥♥♥♥ costs 600 runes after you give the academy scroll to any sorcerer that can teach it to you.
You can stunlock people in PvP with this almost to the point of helplessness.
It's an approximate 400 damage on a good build for only 5 FP and is the preferred torture tool of people who wouldn't dare show their pitiful face in public.
Imagine if you could take Crystal Torrent and give each single shard its very own cast.
You'd no longer have to worry about missing your shots, the tracking wouldn't matter because you could stop casting to reposition yourself and just resume afterwards, and you don't need the crystal staff to make it work.
Oh, and let's go ahead and multiply every shard's damage by 3 because the balancing team can dine on my testicles.
№ 4 — Meteorite Of Astel
Better tracking, infinite casting loop, great with Hidden Tier because you can nuke a dragon 20 levels higher than you and it'll be like nothing ever happened.
You have to be stationary to continue casting, so might as well slap on Ironjar and Terra Magica because the very last emotion your enemies should feel is hopelessness.
Don't get me wrong, Swift Glintstone Shards and Carian Slicers are great if you care about where your FP is going, but some things in this universe just need to die right the ♥♥♥♥ now, and that's why you have sorceries like this.
An objectively better Comet Azur in every single way.
It can't be avoided by walking in a direction until you're no longer in danger.
The very first barrage of meteors have excellent tracking and enemies get knocked back if successfully hit, making this sorcery a severe threat even against smaller enemies.
It's not as general purpose as Cometshard or Gravity Well or Piercer, but no single sorcery in the rest of the game tells you to get the ♥♥♥♥ off someone's lawn louder or clearer than Meteorite of Astel.
№ 3 — Night Shard
So just really quick before I get comments on this, boot up Elden Ring right now, power stance two fully upgraded Staves of Loss, and then compare the Night Shard's damage to Swift Glintstone.
Okay, that's why this is ranked higher.
Under these circumstances, Night Shard has damage that directly competes with Glintstone Pebble while having the cast animation and speed of SGS, which is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ infuriating.
Even a basic spell like Great Glintstone Shard still has no problem out-damaging this, but if it's really efficiency you care about, then Night Shard should almost always be getting the edge.
The FP cost is 7, which means while power stancing Staff of Loss, it has all the FP of Glintstone Pebble, but with twice the speed and the added benefit of being undetectable by dodging AI.
This means as long as you aren't sitting in your chair backwards facing the wall, every single Shard you cast will very likely hit its mark.
It has no reason not to. Night Shard sharts all over the competition, and that's why it's number 3.
№ 2 — Carian Slicer
This sorcery has achieved levels of ridiculousness I previously didn't think was possible.
It has 180 magic damage per cast, and this thing has the speed of a dagger.
You can buy it for like 1500 runes, gets boosted by Carian Glintstone Staff.
THIS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ USES 4 FP?!
You have a jump attack, you have a running attack, and a roll attack.
The only thing it's missing is power stance compatibility.
Why would people ever use a weapon like Moonveil when ♥♥♥♥ like this exists?
It's compatible with Wingsword Talismans and every single magic buff you've heard me list off somewhere in this godforsaken feature film.
Best FP efficiency sorcery in the whole library, easily the highest DPS of any melee sorcery, and I still see people asking for a buff.
That's how you really know how high your bar is. Carian Slicer can single-handedly carry you on its back for the whole game and even bicep curl you a few times for style points.
And you'll still have people taking notes and being like, hmm.
This could use more poise though.
People here will fall into two camps.
The ones that didn't see this coming and are wondering why a sorcery they barely remember is getting mentioned in the number one slot above thirteen other spells they've been one-shot with in PvP.
And the second camp, the ones who knew this decision was fated before they even clicked on the video.
№ 1 — Night Comet
I could spend the next three minutes number crunching and walking you through all the math required to explain why Night Comet is the highest damage comet sorcery in the game, but I think it's easier if I just say this.
Power Stancing Stabs.
Night Comet is already powerful enough with the Staff of Loss or with the Prince of Death Staff with 80 Intelligence and Faith, but by ignoring the strategy of double-staffing, you are refusing Night Comet's true power and are missing out on a good 50% of its damage.
If New Game Plus isn't your thing, you can still just pick up the Prince of Death Staff and use it alongside Staff of Loss.
Same concept.
NPCs can't dodge it, it cannot be parried or blocked by Carian or Golden Retaliation, it doesn't give a ♥♥♥♥ about Eternal Darkness, and when using two Staffs of Loss, it makes the damage on Comet look like getting vaccinated.
It's so powerful, in fact, that it killed the outro, and that's why there isn't one.
Bye.
More Rusty's Ranking
https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2978784714
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Source: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3004577099
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