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Why Kallamar is infact the sexiest Bishop (a rebuttal)

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2024-07-15 10:10:54

The Misconceptions Made About The Intended Audience

Now many assumptions were made in the guide titled 'Why Heket is infact the sexiest Bishop'.

The most prominent assumption was that the player, or the Lamb, was male. Now, the Lamb officially goes by They/Them pronouns as the player is meant to perceive themselves as the lamb, to act as the player themselves would and not how a character would.

Whether you choose to believe the Lamb is male or female is entirely up to you. But for this assumption to be the main reason why Heket, the ONLY female, is the sexiest Bishop is absolutely ridiculous.

Even if you are male, there is nothing gay about acknowledging the fact that another male has game. Whether it be Kallamar, Shamura, Leshy, or Narinder; they all have characteristics that are appealing to someone and most definitely get some.

His Appearence

Both his Follower form and his Bishop form are interesting for different reasons.

His follower form is normal sized with large eyes and a pointy head.

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/2508025277159822802/27D6881F4903FFED978D7583421338F7BCFFBCED/?imw=256&&ima=fit&impolicy=Letterbox&imcolor=%23000000&letterbox=false

His Bishop form has four arms and an unknown number of tentacles

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/2508025277159846421/BFFB5BE9226E2B25145596DD9D05552923933CC5/?imw=256&&ima=fit&impolicy=Letterbox&imcolor=%23000000&letterbox=false

First off and I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!

You are just as safe around Heket's mouth as you are around Kallamar's, which is Absolutely NOT safe at all! They all have teeth, anything that gets in their mouth is not coming out which means you will be laid a record breaking number of 1 times.

Secondly,

Tentacles, Frog tongue, same difference. Can do the same thing. Your a fool to think otherwise.

And Third,

Kallamar and Shamura both have a little cheek pudge which is both adorable and easy to grab as Kallamar would not like you grabbing his ears.

His Possesions (and Fit)

It may not be obvious at first, but Kallamar has in his possesion an object of incredible importance.

The Holly Hand Gernade!

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/2508025277159752303/C3607CEA510ED17C7859C57100A5EA10E38E5F9C/?imw=256&&ima=fit&impolicy=Letterbox&imcolor=%23000000&letterbox=false

https://steamuserimages-a.akamaihd.net/ugc/2508025277159775782/6383124F4D46B4AF65FC2A0156F4951117CBAF9D/?imw=256&&ima=fit&impolicy=Letterbox&imcolor=%23000000&letterbox=false

Now this is an incredibly important artifact of European History. An item of great power and cultural significance. Unfortunately being in possession of this artifact increases the chance of the entirety of Britan descending upon your home and 'Rediscovering' the artifact. So be careful.

His fit.

All Bishops wear their cloak while in bishop form except for Leshy who fights in the nude. Heket wears her's on her back, Shamura wears theirs draped in front of their body, and Kallamar opens his in the sides as seen above. Now it's personal preference but I'd say that Kallamar's looks the best.

He Fears You

"Please know, it was not my idea to cast out the Red Crown! The other Bishops, my siblings, the blame lies with them. Please, I beg you, spare me. Kill Shamura, but do not send me to my death. Do not send me to him!"

— Kallamar

He's a coward. A little sissy man. Easy to boss around. He'd sell out his family to save his own skin.

Now that aspect is entirely up to your personal preference but if you enjoy vulnerable little weasel men then you'll enjoy this cowardly little squid who really only values his own life.

Disclamar! None of the bishops are good long term partners. You can write a lot of fan fic but these guys have seen many years of history AND you have personally killed/attempted to kill them many times. They don't owe you nothing, and you don't owe them nothing. Tit for tat, head for heart. Ya'll alive now.

In Conclusion

A ranking of the Bishops in Sexiness is obviously a ridiculous idea. Its meant to be silly and not taken too literally. I only wrote this guide because I read the guide about how Heket was the sexiest Bishop and it made me laugh.

If you have you own ideas then share them below. Or better yet. Make your own guide about how Shamura is the sexiest, or how I am Incredibly wrong for thinking Kallamar is even remotely attractive. Have some fun and don't for get to make fan art.

AlsoRakshasaIsTheSexiestInTheGameOKbye!!!

Source: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=3288629755

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